His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
