Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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