How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
