I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
