it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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