she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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