yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
