Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
