dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
