i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
