i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
