Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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