My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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