So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we're making bets on your personal life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
