i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
