he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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