well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
