ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
