Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
