currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
