You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vodka?
Forever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
