My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
