drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
