i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
