I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am spending my child support on dildos
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
