I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
