the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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