things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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