Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
