I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
