I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
