I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
