gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
