They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
