Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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