i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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