it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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