I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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