Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
