I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
