The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The feeling are messing with the penis
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
