Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
