I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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