My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
