remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
