u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
