The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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