how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
