Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
