Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dicks are not precious.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
