i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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