I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
